Sorority Row (2009)
Director: Stewart Hendler
Writers: Josh Stolberg, Pete Goldfinger
Starring: Briana Evigan, Shedrick Garrett, Margo Harshman, Rumer Willis, Jamie Chung, Leah Pipes, Audrina Patridge, Carrie Fisher
"Ellie, I love you because you're always there to help with homework. You're like a spellcheck with a nice rack."
Another remake of an 80's horror film. Oh joy. I haven't seen The House on Sorority Row. Can't say I was expecting anything from this film though. Growing up in the 80's I watched slasher movies and loved them damn it! It's a genre I still love. If there's a slasher film with an even remotely interesting looking killer or hook I'm in. And one set on a collage campus? That's always been a sub-genre I've enjoyed. See The Dorm That Dripped Blood for a prime example. So I couldn't resist Sorority Row's siren call.
The ladies of Theta Pi are in their senior year of college, They major in sex, drugs and general snarky behavior. All the sisters are your stranded horror stereotypes. We have the bitchy leader, the party girl, the ethnic girl, the smart girl and our final girl. One night the ladies decide to pull a little prank on a philandering boyfriend. Well said prank ends with one sister dead and the rest swearing to keep it a secret. Good girl Cassidy (Evigan) protests and evil bitch Jessica (Pipes) plants evidence to keep her quiet. Months later the girls are set to graduate and someone with a grudge knows what they did last summer. Soon the girls and anyone else who wanders into frame get picked off. As people die the girls fear their dead friend has returned from the grave to kill them.
Sorority Row makes no pretense about what it is...a cheesy horror movie. Filled with corn ball lines and lame jump scares. The Killer has a real fetish for ramming things into people's mouths. Hell it's even mentioned in the making of features. The kills don't show much. If it wasn't for breasts and foul language this would be PG rated. Sadly the killer is just some dude running around in a Ben Kenobi robe. The killer sports a tricked out tire iron/glaive straight out of Krull. Most of the characters sort of blend sort of blend together except for a two examples. Carrie Fisher's shotgun toting house mother and party girl Chugs (Harshman). Yes that's her name Chugs. Is it because she's a lush? Or is it because she's easy? Maybe both. Poor Rumer Willis, all she gets to do is scream and look scared for most of the film.
I can't say Sorority Row is good. Not the travesty that was the Prom Night remake, more middle of the road like say I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. I was expecting to hate it. But I was never bored and at times I felt like I was watching one of those hoary 80's slashers that weren't very good but good for a rainy afternoons entertainment.
And now a tribute to Chugs...
Chugs with your acerbic wit and keen fashion sense. You liked your pills and booze. You liked your sex and didn't care were you got it from. Where were you when I went to collage? It was a damn shame you were the first to go...Ah Chugs we hardly knew ya.