Banner by Sean Hartter
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Do you think we killed nine people for nothing man?
COP KILLERS (1973)
Starring Jason Williams Bill Osco Diane Keller
Directed by Walter Cichy
"See that man! That's fuckin' pigs blood. If I was scared it would have been my blood!"
Lensed and financed by a porn director and the makers of Flesh Gordon in an effort to make some quick cash with a R-rated drive-in film since Flesh Gordon had been confiscated in a police bust. The film is notable for The effects of Rick Baker (His second professional movie job.) and it's star Jason Williams, Flesh Gordon himself.
Two long haired rogues Ray (Williams) and Alex (The Being's Bill Osco) hope to make lots of green off the cocaine they scored in Mexico. As they head for the Arizona border the pair are stopped by a police roadblock. Ray gets out of the car guns blazing and kills the cops. Crossing the border they decide to get new wheels. The wheels turn out to be an ice cream truck. After a little beating Ray throws the simpering driver out of the speeding truck to his demise. Next Ray robs a gas station killing two more people. There the duo acquire a new car and a leggy hostage named Karen (Keller) whom Ray threatens with death constantly. More violence ensues. As does a romance of sorts for Alex and Karen. Will Ray and Alex turn on each other? Will Karen escape? And can that hippie's beard get any bigger?
On IMDB the films date is listed as 1973 but the copyright on the end credits says 1977. So this baby must have been sitting around on a shelf somewhere before actually getting released. The "acting" is very much of the porn variety. Brother you haven't lived till you've witnessed the scene with the super whiny ice cream man. Or how about the 'how to snort cocaine' scene. Or the hippie and his two "stoned" chicks. Williams handles the scumbag role very well. Baker's effects are mainly arterial spurts,blood squibs, and some bloody wounds. Much like Last House on the Left theres an uber-inappropriate score and bouncy theme song. Nowhere close to Last House or I Spit on Your Grave level of shock cinema. But is chock full of bad acting. Quotable lines ("$33. Those dudes died cheap.") and drive-in trash appeal.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Blood...Will...Run...Oh snap!
Automaton Transfusion
Starring Garrett Jones, Juliet Reeves, William Howard Bowman, Rowan Bousaid, Ashley Elizabeth Pierce, Joel Hebner
Directed by Steven C. Miller
"Are you telling me that those people out there are fucking zombies?"
On the back of the DVD case it reads " ... the Holy Grail of "true" independent horror films." To which I thought really? The film's trailer proclaims "The film that defines our culture." Really? Really? We'll see. I mean it's a zombie movie and I'll watch anything with zombies. I love'em be it in their celluloid, video game or novel form I can't get enough of the flesh love'n bastards. So I went in expecting something. Something that would make me go wow this is awesome.
During the Vietnam war in the 70's The military experiment with ways to reanimate the dead. The idea, to use them as a army of super soldiers. Trouble is the dead returned with...wait for it...a hunger for human flesh. For whatever reason the military decide to reopen the project thirty years later in remote Grover City. Of course something goes wrong and the living dead break out and overtake the town. It's up to a handful of high school kids to survive the living dead hordes and find a cure to the zombie plague.
So. We get lots of running zombies. Tons of blood. And very little character. So the gore is good, some inventive kills in there. But nobody to give a shit about. I didn't give a good god damn if any of these whiny kids made it out of town alive. And worst of all we get a new plot twist with only minutes to go. I was wondering how they were going to wrap this baby up quick. As the film speeds towards it's climax we get...fade to black. To be continued appears on screen. Ouch!
Monday, June 1, 2009
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